Match This!

So I’m watching a television commercial for Match.com and I notice how they are pushing the idea that if you join their site you’re more likely to find a husband or wife. The people in these commercial are in their 30’s and 40’s and seem to be at that settling down age. The age of desperation.

Look, I have nothing against online dating as I am a serial online dater. However, the commercials and advertisements used these days is sort of making online dating look like last acts of desperation. The actors in the commercials are talking about how people they know all met their new spouse from the site.

I remember when the commercials used to just be geared toward meeting someone new and the possibility of marriage. Now they’re all up in your face and telling your business. “I need to find a husband. I’m desperate.” What a sad start to what used to be an exciting possibility. Now people are joining with the hopes of getting married soon. Like marriage is the only goal of dating.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against marriage, but it’s not for everyone. I don’t know if I can see myself as the marrying kind. I used to think I just thought that way because I don’t have anyone in my life that I would like to marry, but actually I don’t think that’s it. I don’t see the value in being married if it’s just a means to an end.

What do I mean by that?

So let’s go deeper. Look at Match.com or Eharmony.com and how they market. Marriage, marriage, marriage. They’ve picked up on the fact that people are desperate to “jump the broom.” The reason is because no one wants to be lonely. No one wants to be without someone to come home too. And most important, you want to stop looking, for Godsakes!

You’re up to here with dating loser after loser and damnit—it’s time to finally find the one and get over it. This is especially true for women who are not married and are past the old age of 30. Little girls are prodded at a young age to go out and get a man. Even my sweet, old grandmother used to pressure my sister and I into getting a boyfriend teach us how to drive.

The reliance of finding a mate to live our lives with is so heavy as we get older that many marry young and regret it before they turn 30. Two of my best friends who got married before turning 25 are already in divorce court. Tragic! They thought life started at 22 and this was the perfect time to settle down. That’s what all 20 something’s tell themselves because they want to be independent from their parents and getting married is the ultimate statement that says, “I’m grown and I can do whatever I want.”

But seriously, are you ready for marriage at 22? Are you ready at 30? You’ll probably have a better success rate of marriage if you’re in your 30’s when you finally get married because you would have some life experience to rely on, but your motives might be just as juvenile as a 20 year old. You just decided it’s time, you aren’t getting any younger, and you want a family.

I figured this; I’ll be 31 in August, which means I’ll have a good 19 years or so to have kids before I turn 50. It’s an incentive to go ahead and marry that loser I got rid of last year and get started on this family. I mean those are valid reasons to get married, right?

That’s how women think. They feel life is passing them by and they don’t want to be old parents and never see their kids grow up and blah, blah, blah. Truth is, however, life expectancy for our generation is growing. We’re living longer due to the advancement of science, medicine, and healthier environments. My cousins still have their great-grandparents. My grandmother is still alive and my nieces and nephews still have at least great-grandparent.

So what I’m saying we’re racing to a finish line that’s been extended by years. We’re expected to have more people in our generation to make it to 100. Can you imagine life expectancy at 100? That’s amazing, so what’s the rush to say, “I do?” You’re not missing anything.

Celebrities are marrying late and having kids in their 40’s. Kudos to them for getting their life in order before starting that family. Imagine having all you want in life except a family. It would be an easier transition into family if you had everything else in check. If you actually took the early years of your life and applied them to accomplishing the things you wanted to do like take the job that could move you across country. Dedicate a time to your career and get the career you want so you can relax with your family once you’re ready.

Point is, second marriages work out better because you were smarter the second time around (usually). That has a lot to do with the fact that by time people have that second marriage they’re in their late 30’s or early 40’s. They have fulfillment elsewhere and finding “the one” was just the icing on the already sweet cake.

If you’re in your 30’s and still not married, don’t worry about it. It’s not the end of the world and if you’re patient you’ll find your future Mr. or Mrs…or so they say ;)