"The Social Network" effect

So I went to see the new movie, “The Social Network,” today and I found it to be a rather good movie. It’s a movie not about the scandalous thought process behind the world phenomenon of Facebook and how it was built to destroy the minds of millions. It’s a movie about a kid who got pissed off after being dumped one night, wrote a blog trashing his ex-girlfriend and her family’s name (and bra size), posted it on his schools private “Facebook,” while creating another website in which he compares women’s looks to one another and sent out a link all over the school for all to vote and humilate.

The film grew to be something much bigger than that. It tells the story of a socially awkward genius who takes the seed of an idea and injects hormones into it that makes the seed better and stronger than it originally was. Problem is that’s sort of illegal and this kid manages to piss two different parties off at the same time and gets sued (separately) by both.

The movie was a great piece of work. It doesn’t make you feel guilty about being on Facebook, in fact, it makes you glad that someone had the foresight to see what a brilliant idea this was and wanted to share it with the world, and not just the Harvard asshole elite (which was the orignal purpose).

“The Social Network” is the story of the single signature social change of our generation. The movie shows why Facebook beat out other websites like MySpace -which was set to take over a nation before Facebook came along- as the biggest thing to hit our generation since the internet itself. The movie doesn’t make using Facebook look bad or it’s creators. It simply tells how A became C without bias.

But this blog isn’t about this great movie (which I really want to see again), it’s about how I felt after the movie: depressed. There was a sad subtext in the movie that was beautifully express through the lead actor’s, Jesse Eisenberg, brilliant performance: money doesn’t equal happiness.

For the past few month’s I’ve been trying to win the lottery in order to get more money in order to not have to worry about money. I want to win so I’ll be financially secure for a while and buy that dream home I’d been wanting and go on that dream vacation. I also wanted to quit one of my jobs so I could devote more time to writing and finishing my book.

Since I started this little dream I have done the following: quit one of my jobs and finished my book. Although I have not yet won the money, I have done two of the things I most wanted to do and I’m very happy with that. I’m glad I’m finished writing all the chapters of my book, though I have a lot of editing to do, the hurled has been conquered.

However, I find myself depressed because I'm single. I thought it was due to the fact that I'm not winning the lottery, but I realize that winning the lottery will probably only keep me lonely. I had decided to stop dating to focus on my writing and keep myself from getting distracted from my work. Now that I'm finished I'm ready to get back out there, but finding love is harder than finding a publisher.

As I start my search I use my old tried and not so true method of online dating. As I jumped back into the dating pool I am reminded of just how cold it is. Although I know it’s true what my former boss use to say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and expecting a different result, I have not learned my lesson.

After being on a few dating sites for less than a week I feel discouraged and disappointed with the results. But that's how I am. I get bored with the whole dating business easily and want to change my mind almost before I've given myself a chance at love. Perhaps, I could be bipolar. My mood changes so much that I hate making decision because I’m not 100% sure I’ll stick with it 5 minutes later.


But for some reason, after viewing this movie, I’m left with this depression feeling. The feeling of not knowing at all what I wanted to do once I was done with the movie made it worst. I was supposed to have had a date, but I guess I wasn’t what he wanted, so I’m stuck again wondering what’s wrong with me.

Rejection, failure, loneness, all these things makes for one difficult Saturday night. I might get up later and dance or workout, but the reality of my circumstances won’t change. See that’s the thing that sucks about feeling like this: temporary fixes. I can write, read, dance, workout, pump myself up to believe that things aren’t bad, but even I know it’s just a phase.

I’m probably PMSing, I’ve been masturbating like a man for the past week and I’m still very cranky. I could have hooked up and fucked a dude this weekend, but I know I’d just regret it later. I could go to McDonald’s and blow my money on fatty foods knowing that I’ll just regret it later because that’s what I do. I know this routine, unfortunately I don’t know how to win it.

Writing helps. I’ll be at work all day tomorrow and that kind of blows, but it’s also where I need to be. I need to be out of this depressing house, even for 21 hours, just to pretend I’m normal in my head. There are so many things I should be doing, but I’m not because I’m depressed. I need to get back on my birth control pills because they were helping.

I’ve written all I can write now. I’m gonna try to read something and drift off to my dream life. Maybe I’ll get happy enough to get me to the next page or able to watch a little television. Whatever I do, I just hope it’s not suicide.