In Joy

In an odd twist of faith I got my answer and I’m totally okay. I’m not angry, I’m not sad. I want to cry because I feel like it’s finally over. I feel like everything I want will come my way now because I let everything go. I feel as if I won the battle.

I’ve been able to confirm my first love is married and happy and I’m so okay with it. I don’t feel any anger I feel relief. Not even jealous, just joy. I feel more thankful than I’ve in a long time. I want to cry, but the feeling not that overwhelming yet. But now I know my spiratual self is listening. She’s listening and she knows what’s best for me. All these missing pieces are falling back in my life and now I’m soooo ready for the future. I feel like my future has just begun.

I’m so good. I’m wonderful. I’m beside myself. I’m soooooo good right now and this is my moment and I’m in joy! This is what it feels like to be in joy.

The Bitch

The Bitch


When I broke up with him I felt nothing
I never loved him anyway
More glad than sad to be rid of him
I never meant to be cruel, I just didn’t love him

If you were to hear his side of the story
You would be lead to believe I was an assassin:

“She shot me in my heart, the parasitic bitch, and then stabbed my wound.”
“She kicked my soul, making it bleed.”
“She’s a cold-hearted BITCH with no soul!”

We had planned our lives together, though the dream was always his
I never saw us as “us”
There is no reason why
He was not pathetic
He was not indecent
He was not a bad person

He just was not the one.

I walked away with no desire to ever see him again
I knew he would be hurt…
I knew he would suffer…
I knew that if I leave, it would kill him to live

…but still I left him
I was not sad
I did not care for his pain because there could be no other way

As long as my plan was to leave, there would be hurt
That’s just the way it is

Over the years he would have changed my name several times:
“That Heartless Whore!”
“That Bastarded Bitch!”
“That Gutless, Spineless, Piece of SHIT!”

Every dastardly colorful name he could use
Except the one name I truly deserved to be called:
The Bitch who did not love him
And there was nothing he could do

Found something

So here it is, another weeknight, and I'm sitting alone at my computer getting ready to get ready for bed. My usually routine is to watch some smutty Internet porn until I'm really sleepy and then go to bed. However, tonight I decided to look up one of my favorite actors on google, Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I found a fan site that lead to a website which he runs called "hitRECord.org." It's a website where a bunch of people can post videos and remix them and do all kinds of crazy shit. So I thought "Humm, this is better than Internet porn." Art is good. I haven't been able to get as into to art as I like, but what I am into is something different. Something new from something old. So I'll browse through this site and hopefully I'll be inspired enough to do something.