A Good Piece of Fabric

I’m at that stage where I am unsure about whether or not I want to be in a relationship. I’m happy single, and when I say happy I mean it. I’m happy being on my own schedule, doing whatever I want to do and being dependant on me. I like coming home to my house and being alone in my space. Right now my life is all about me, me, me and at 31 it’s hard to see my life as a we, we, we.

Now, this is not to say I don’t want to have a relationship someday. In fact, I would like that very much. I would like to turn into a “we” one day, but only with the right “he.” I’m not a girl who dates a guy just to avoid being lonely. Those are the most pathetic women in the world: “I stay with him so I don’t have to be alone.”

If that’s your argument now when does it end?
I recent cared for a 79 year old woman who had been married for 52 years before her husband died, and then she remarried a year later. Then she got Dementia and he left her at the drop of a hat because he couldn’t take care of her. She was so heartbroken that she lost her will to live and her Dementia got the best of her. She stopped eating, sleeping and slowly her family watched as their mother and grandmother lost all her memories and just faded away.

She was 79, but she probably had another 5 to 10 years on her. My aunt has been living actively with Dementia for about 10 years and she hasn’t reached that stage where her decline is so bad that she’s lost the will to live. My aunt is 89 years old and in all my 31 years I’ve never seen her with a man.

The point here is that once you’ve become independent you can pretty much survive anything, but it doesn’t hurt to have someone along the way.

I’m not going to pretend that I don’t get lonely or that sometimes I wish I had a companion around so I wouldn’t have to please myself (or cook my own dinner). However, the fact and I have learned to live for myself is a value that most don’t understand. There is no better gift to receive than the gift you give to yourself and that’s self love.

My ex-boyfriend once told me that he loved me more than he loved himself. I looked at him and thought I feel the same way; I love me more than I love you. And then I thought how sad that must be for him. I’m not saying that I was selfish and so should he, but to value someone else’s life over your own just because you aren’t happy with who you are is quite pathetic. I would put my life on the line for my sister, my grandma and my niece and nephews, but not because I love them more than I love myself. It’s because I just love them and I’d rather not live my life without them if I had the choice.

The type of love I’m looking for is with someone who I value. To determine the value of one’s life compared to your own is like comparing them to half of yourself. If a couple makes a whole, then I need my other half to be the best parts of about me that I don’t want to live without, but can.

Relationships are like clothes: we all have our favorite item because it’s cute and makes us look good, but eventually it wears thin and gets old. Some people chose to go out and throw it out for something new and some hold on to it because they would miss it too much. But the prefect item of clothing, like a relationship, will never go out of style or wear thin if you picked a good, solid piece of fabric to begin with.

So that’s basically what I’m looking for, a good piece of fabric to begin with. So far I haven’t had much luck with the outfits I’ve tried one, but like everything in life it will be worth the wait once I’ve found it.

Match This!

So I’m watching a television commercial for Match.com and I notice how they are pushing the idea that if you join their site you’re more likely to find a husband or wife. The people in these commercial are in their 30’s and 40’s and seem to be at that settling down age. The age of desperation.

Look, I have nothing against online dating as I am a serial online dater. However, the commercials and advertisements used these days is sort of making online dating look like last acts of desperation. The actors in the commercials are talking about how people they know all met their new spouse from the site.

I remember when the commercials used to just be geared toward meeting someone new and the possibility of marriage. Now they’re all up in your face and telling your business. “I need to find a husband. I’m desperate.” What a sad start to what used to be an exciting possibility. Now people are joining with the hopes of getting married soon. Like marriage is the only goal of dating.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against marriage, but it’s not for everyone. I don’t know if I can see myself as the marrying kind. I used to think I just thought that way because I don’t have anyone in my life that I would like to marry, but actually I don’t think that’s it. I don’t see the value in being married if it’s just a means to an end.

What do I mean by that?

So let’s go deeper. Look at Match.com or Eharmony.com and how they market. Marriage, marriage, marriage. They’ve picked up on the fact that people are desperate to “jump the broom.” The reason is because no one wants to be lonely. No one wants to be without someone to come home too. And most important, you want to stop looking, for Godsakes!

You’re up to here with dating loser after loser and damnit—it’s time to finally find the one and get over it. This is especially true for women who are not married and are past the old age of 30. Little girls are prodded at a young age to go out and get a man. Even my sweet, old grandmother used to pressure my sister and I into getting a boyfriend teach us how to drive.

The reliance of finding a mate to live our lives with is so heavy as we get older that many marry young and regret it before they turn 30. Two of my best friends who got married before turning 25 are already in divorce court. Tragic! They thought life started at 22 and this was the perfect time to settle down. That’s what all 20 something’s tell themselves because they want to be independent from their parents and getting married is the ultimate statement that says, “I’m grown and I can do whatever I want.”

But seriously, are you ready for marriage at 22? Are you ready at 30? You’ll probably have a better success rate of marriage if you’re in your 30’s when you finally get married because you would have some life experience to rely on, but your motives might be just as juvenile as a 20 year old. You just decided it’s time, you aren’t getting any younger, and you want a family.

I figured this; I’ll be 31 in August, which means I’ll have a good 19 years or so to have kids before I turn 50. It’s an incentive to go ahead and marry that loser I got rid of last year and get started on this family. I mean those are valid reasons to get married, right?

That’s how women think. They feel life is passing them by and they don’t want to be old parents and never see their kids grow up and blah, blah, blah. Truth is, however, life expectancy for our generation is growing. We’re living longer due to the advancement of science, medicine, and healthier environments. My cousins still have their great-grandparents. My grandmother is still alive and my nieces and nephews still have at least great-grandparent.

So what I’m saying we’re racing to a finish line that’s been extended by years. We’re expected to have more people in our generation to make it to 100. Can you imagine life expectancy at 100? That’s amazing, so what’s the rush to say, “I do?” You’re not missing anything.

Celebrities are marrying late and having kids in their 40’s. Kudos to them for getting their life in order before starting that family. Imagine having all you want in life except a family. It would be an easier transition into family if you had everything else in check. If you actually took the early years of your life and applied them to accomplishing the things you wanted to do like take the job that could move you across country. Dedicate a time to your career and get the career you want so you can relax with your family once you’re ready.

Point is, second marriages work out better because you were smarter the second time around (usually). That has a lot to do with the fact that by time people have that second marriage they’re in their late 30’s or early 40’s. They have fulfillment elsewhere and finding “the one” was just the icing on the already sweet cake.

If you’re in your 30’s and still not married, don’t worry about it. It’s not the end of the world and if you’re patient you’ll find your future Mr. or Mrs…or so they say ;)

The Adjustment Bureau- Late review

Well, I guess I’ll blog since I feel like writing, but I don’t feel like working on my book. I saw “The Adjustment Bureau” today with one of my favorite actors, Matt Damon. It was a thriller/love story of sort with a fantasy effect. Kind of in the same sense as “Hereafter,” only lovelier. I have to say I really enjoyed this film. Good acting, good chemistry between him and Emily Blunt who is just a splendid actress. Truly one of our generations best.

The film is about an inspiring politican (David) who meets a woman (Elise) after losing his senate race and falls head over heels for her. Then by chance he meets her when his guardian angel of sort (played by the brillant Anthony Mackie) falls asleep and misses his opportunity to delay David (Damon) on his way to work. While on the city bus he spots his lost love Elise (Blunt) and the sparks fly instantly. The flirting, the charming, the playful insults all work together to give you the sense that these two belong together.

Meanwhile, David’s guardian chases after the bus in a desparate attempt to derail David, but it’s too late. David get’s Elise number and arrives to work on time. This is a problem for the Adjustment Bureau because David walks in and catches them with his co-workers frozen in their place, doing some “retooling” on them. After a chase through the office, David is caught by the Bureau and is held captive-momentarily.

After being told they don’t have the clearance to erase David’s minds, they decide to let him in on the little secret about the Bureau. They tell him that they plan out everyones lives, everything happens because they make it so, and it’s only by “chance” that some things happen outside their control, like him running into Elise on the bus that morning. To make a long story slightly shorter, David does all he can to defy the Bureau and literally works his way around every obstacle in order to be with the woman he knows she’s supposed to be with.

All in all, very well done, which is good because the storyline is unique. I like how Matt Damon has found a way to combine good love stories and action suspense in his movies. Sure, he’s not the one writing them, but the fact that he is the prefect actor to pull this difficult type of story off is what makes this speical and good. I won’t write more about the story because I believe it’s worth checking out.

Tax Bitches!

Let’s just call a cow and cow and stop treating it like it’s a horse. Americans (mainly the GOP and Tea Party) need to wake up and smell the truth: this is NOT Regan’s America. If I hear one more bitchy complaint about how Regan cut taxes by balancing the budget (while leaving the poor to sit in their own poop) I’m going to smack the shit out of that person. This is a whole new century, why are you still acting like old tactics still work?

The GOP and Tea Party raised a lot of hell in 2010 about the deficit and how Obama and the Dems needs to stop spending and borrowing and start cutting down the deficit. They made a huge point and successfully pointed out that yes, America is losing its thrill and money and we need to cut down the deficit. However, these power-horny (yes, I said horny) morons failed to offer up a plan that will do it without raping lower class America.

I’m sorry if my parents didn’t work themselves to death to put me through school—oh wait they couldn’t, my mom died early and my dad did what he could to raise two kids. No, this isn’t a sob story; this is just one of many that are American stories. The Tea Party and GOP seem to think the only real American’s are themselves. They’re always on television talking about how they represent “real America.” Who the fuck do they think “real America” is?

I’ll tell you who they think real America is: corporations. Look, there is no excuse for a billion dollar corporation to not have to pay a penny in federal taxes. Here’s an example, Bank of America made $1 billion last year from tax payers and paid $0 in federal taxes. I, a tax payer with a Bank of America bank account, made $46,000 last year and I have to pay $56 in federal taxes. Sure not bank busting but how is it that a lone, single female with no property has to shell out more taxes than a huge corporation with branches all over the fricking country?
That’s what “real America” is folks.

I’m not saying I shouldn’t pay taxes, hell I don’t complain about having too because I knew growing up that was a part of life. But don’t yell fuck you to my fast by trying to justify your ridiculous tax breaks to the wealthy. Paying taxes is part of being an American. You have to pay to live in this country. Every other working and functioning country that pays taxes do it and live with it.

It’s high time the GOP and Tea Party realize America is not the exception. Either you guys stop complaining about doing the obvious and pay your fucking taxes, or take your tax hating asses to Canada. See how well that works out for you.

For Colored Girls review

I watched this movie from Tyler Perry called “For Colored Girls” and it was probably his better film. Of course that’s not really saying much since all of Tyler Perry’s movies are shit and this was just a step above shit which is crap. So “For Colored Girls” is crap. I wish it wasn’t. I wish it was something worthy of the style in which he tried to present it. Tyler, unfortunately, doesn’t know how to be a filmmaker. His problem is that he thinks films and plays are the same, but he needs to learn that they are two different arts.

So here’s what he tried to do: he took some well written poems and tried to tell dramatic stories around them. He incorporated the poems into the screenplay and tried to make it work as dialog, much like music in musicals work when a song tells the story in place of dialog. It’s a clever conception; unfortunately Mr. Perry isn’t a clever enough filmmaker to make this work.

The problem with Mr. Perry’s movies is, sadly, his directing. He has a great vision for what he wants to do, but misses by that much when it comes through as a completed film. It’s one thing to see something and think “I would like to do that for my film.” But if you don’t know the purpose for doing it then the effect doesn’t work.

Take the opening shots for example. The camera follows one of main characters kicking out one of her (many) men and we follow him out the building where the camera stops to introduce another main character. The camera then follows that character back into the building and we get her story going and eventually we follow that character out the building where we are introduced to another character coming into the building and then we follow her.

The style in which Mr. Perry uses isn't bad, however, he immediately over uses the style. We have seen this style of camera movement before in films and there is a trick to pulling this off seamlessly. Tyler Perry should have only done that move once, in the opening to introduce one character, but he did twice and that immediately bored the viewer because the magic of how effective that filming technique has been over used and it was no longer creative.

The average person might not have noticed that, but a film critic would. I don’t want to sound like I’m talking out my ass here, but I love film art. I don’t watch movies just for entertainment, but for the art of filmmaking. Which is why things like this catch my eye. Trust me, every shot in a film is thought out like a math problem. That shot alone probably too three hours to a day to set up, about 10 people behind the camera to make sure everything worked on time and about three or four or more takes before they got to what was in the film. So if you think I’m being nick picky about that one shot, you don’t know film art.

Now, back to the poems being dialog. This was not a terrible idea, if this was a play. In a play you are allowed to be over dramatic and theatrical, which is what happens when you put poetry in the dialog. But the beauty of film dialog is to be real. Film, whether fact or fiction, is supposed to give the illusion of us peaking in on this characters lives as if this was happening. We are supposed to see these lives as we see our own. People are supposed to talk and act as we do in real life, in some way, shape or form.

This is why we except animals as humans who speak English. We create something that is like us making it easier for us to connect to it and view it as something from us. Musicals work in this form because music is something we all can relate too. It doesn’t matter what kind of music you listen to, music is easier to pass off dialog because we all have a musical soundtrack to our lives.

The music you listen too relates to you in your life. I’m sure at some point in your life, whether it was walking to school listening to your headphones or at home doing the dishes with the radio playing, you felt that sense that a song was saying what you were feeling or what was happening. If you’re in love and a beautiful love song comes on you’re probably going to feel as if your world is being narrated by that song.

This does not work with a poem because everyone doesn’t like poems and certainly people don’t walk around as if a poem is narrating their lives. Some might, but chances are they are probably poets. So to replace dialog with poems in a film does not come across well. Mr. Perry would have been better with just making a less dramatic film inspired by the poem, not lead by them.

Mr. Perry needs to work on ending his films on more realistic notes as well. This movie ended with two women in a strained relationship with their mother, a successful woman with HIV from her undercover-brother husband (over the fucking top there), a rape victim, and a woman in mourning over the lost of her two children who were murdered by her abusive husband—all on a rooftop celebrating as if a tragedy never happened. I know the point is supposed to be, “Life goes on,” but does not like this.

The problem I have with this ending is that it’s generic. Very generic and unrealistic and it doesn’t fit the story. Tyler Perry always tries to wrap up over dramatic movies on a romantic comedy note and you just can’t do that. You can’t fill a movie with 90 minutes of crying, sadness and drama and spend the last 5 minutes as if life is just so sweet, even with all our horrible troubles. Yeah right!

So Mr. Perry, you are getting better, but you have so much to learn. You need to learn how to balance drama with comedy with a happy ending. Learn and understand what it means to make a movie and deliver on completing the journey. You are very lazy in your attempt to make something beautiful by coping what every other film does without understanding the motives. Find your identity and go with it. Learn to be original, because right not you are a half-assed imitation of a true filmmaker.

Yes, Americans are that stupid

Yes, Americans are that stupid. For those of you worried about whether or not America is ready to re-elect President Obama all I have to say is don’t be surprised if they don’t. I say “they” and not “we” because I am not throwing myself in the same category as the Americans who are stupid enough not to re-elect President Obama. And here’s why those people who aren’t are stupid.

President Bush was re-elected on 2004 although he had already proved that he was not capable of running the country. We were heading straight for a recession then and by the end of Bush’s last term we were there. The Republicans wrote Bush blank check after blank check for that worthless war and then shelled out a bunch of borrowed money to bail out AIG, banks and GM.

So in 2008 Americans went against the grain, voted differently and elected the first black man to office. Obama promised changed and despite what the pundits are brainwashing into American’s head, this country has changed.
In 2004 everything was about the damn war in Iraq and finding weapons of mass destruction and terrorist. In 2008 the topic was back to the American people. In the two years that Obama took office we have been talking about the American agenda. Our healthcare; our jobs; our money. We have been talking about US and not Iraq and that is change.

President Obama has done one thing I bet the entire country can agree on and that is get Americans focused back on our lives and our future. When you turn on the news they’re talking about us again and our economy. Something the republicans and the Bush administration ignored for 8 years. The result of that ignorance is the country President Obama inherited.

So now, getting back to re-electing President Obama, people are upset and frustrated because he hasn’t “accomplished” what “he said he was going to do.” This is shocking news because he said during his campaigned that he was going to change health care, has he not? He also said he was going to lower taxes for the middle class, have you not noticed that your check is a little bit bigger these days? I’ve noticed.
The problem with stupid Americans is that they truly believe they are smart. Any person who is getting pissed on, but believes it’s raining is not smart and that’s what conservative pundits are doing to their listeners. If you believe for one second that Republicans are seriously worried about the American deficit then you really like golden showers because they’re not.

Republican fucked up the country big time and all they want now is power and control. We’ve seen what happens when this country is in the hands of Republicans: jobs get lost, debt gets bigger, and taxes for the upper class get lower. Republicans don’t want health care reform because they don’t want President Obama to succeed.

They’re not worried about the deficit. How could they be if they don’t want to raise taxes for the wealthy and cut spending? They feel that because they work “so hard” for their money that they shouldn’t have to “give” to anyone. The American deficit is big because all the crap that happened during the Bush era and they know it, but they want you to forget that.

Health care reform is for American so naturally it should be paid for by us. Oh, so since we want to us money to help American’s suddenly we have a deficit problem? Where was this argument when Bush was in town asking for billions and billions of dollars to pay for the ridiculously non-war? Where was the talk of a deficit when we were bailing out everyone? Guess the deficit was fine then, right?

And what about the money President Obama HAD to borrow from China for the stimulus packages that he gave to every state to try to boost the job market? The Republican governors said they wouldn’t use it because “they don’t need it.” Or because they didn’t “think” the plan will work. Well, how about not knocking something before you try it?

Republicans haven’t proved Obama has failed, but proved that Americans are stupid enough to believe he has. To out it simple for idiot Americans out there: the Republicans were given a house, they burned it up, Democrats were sent in to help the Republicans fix it, but the Republicans instead watched on the sideline and reported back to you that things aren’t getting fix, but didn’t mention that it was because they weren’t helping.

Sorry, but America is in its worst state because there are just too many stupid Americans out there who are allowed to vote. Even the Republicans recognize how God awful the Tea Party is and they’re coming from their side. Americans are letting pundits convince them there they’re doing badly, when really, they’re not.
And Democrats are no better. The only thing worse than getting pissed on is watching someone runaway while you get the shit beaten out of you. These politicians are a disgrace to the country. If they’re not lying they’re running and either way Americans get screwed. We have no choice but to go to the polls and chose between a douche and a turd. No one is fighting for us. If they were they would work together.

I hope that enough happens and President Obama gets re-elected because I feel like he’s not getting a fair chance. He is surrounded by wimps, dicks, and pussies and none of them will fight for him if they think it will make them look bad. We don’t have politicians in office fighting for us, but only for themselves and their party.

In the end we’re all stupid because we don’t do anything to change. We tell them one thing and then flip flop on it at the next election. I can’t blame politicians for feeding off of what we say we’re hungry for. But I do blame them for not being responsible enough to shut up and do their job. Your President is your President, try to work with him. Nothing will ever get done in this damn country if we (as stupid Americans) don’t start telling our politicians to work together and figure this shit out.

Winter's touch -Review Winter's Bone

So I just finished watching this movie called “Winter’s Bone” and now I’m feeling writery (not a word, but I like it). It was an odd movie about a 17 years-old girl who is in charge of taking care of the family which includes her mute mother and her two younger siblings. They live in a redneck sort of town either up North (where they have southern accents for some reason) or the northern part of the South (because the weather is cold and getting colder throughout the movie).

The story focuses on the family’s missing father, Jessup, who put the house up as payment for bail. He has a court appearance in a few days and if he doesn’t show up, the family loses the house. The house is all this young girl and her family has for a home, so she sets off on a mission to find her father to make sure he shows up to court. This hunt, however, turns out to be more dangerous than anyone in the town would want to get involved in and the deeper she digs the deeper she starts to dig her own grave.

But the mission is a must if she is to keep her family together. With the help of some neighbors, family, friends and even some enemies, she finds her dad and there is a bittersweet ending. While the movie falls a little flat of raising the sense of danger for our 17 year-old heron (somehow you just know that she is going to be okay no matter who’s threatening her), the lead actress’s tough, yet innocents, demeanor trains us to feel what she is feelings. If she is feeling brave and confident, then we the audience feel brave and confident. If she is rattled or worried, then we are rattled or worried. If she feels numb or pain, we feel the same.

The actress, whose name is Jennifer Lawrence by the way, will probably (and should) receive high remarks and praise for her work. I wouldn’t be surprised if we see an Oscar nomination. It’s just that type of work that gets actress’s attention and helps them build a promising career.

But my feelings after viewing this movie are light. Meaning, good. I don’t feel sad for the family or the characters, although there is merit in feeling that way. Without giving away the ending, I will say that our heron finds her dad in a way you wouldn’t want to find your parent. When she does discover him, she has already come to terms with the result. Meaning there was nothing left to do, but do what needed to be done to help her family.

While she does shed tears for her father (how could she not) she Sally Forth’s with her duty knowing that there is little to nothing left to do to help her dad in this moment. She is forced to face a challenge will beyond the years of a 17 year-old in order to do the right thing for her family.

It’s that strength in her that I see in myself. It reminds me of when I lived in Chicago and I was her, taking care of my family against the sour spoils of our environment. Sure, I wasn’t 17 nor was I raising two younger siblings. But I certain could relate to playing the hand that’s dealt to you and getting over the bullshit really soon.

So what I lost my mother when I was 5. So what I found my father’s dead body on his bedroom floor at 21. So what I wasn’t born rich. I was handed a deck of cards and simply told to deal with them. I didn’t seek pity on those with a better hand, but I certainly didn’t settle for the lesser hand I was dealt.

It took bravery, courage, fear, fight and uncertainly for me to keep moving out of the place I was at. While I’m still pulling myself up and still trying to get a better hand to play the game of life with, I am not turning over my cards and expecting someone to pick them up and play them for me. I still have to do this myself.

This reminds me that I haven’t been thankful enough. I really haven’t been thanking God aka My Spiritual-Self enough for all that they have giving me. I have a wonderful life that is getting better and better and so I have nothing to fear. Everything is a turning point and I still have the chance to make choices that will deal me the right cards.

Earlier I was feeling bad about money and I didn’t want too. Something had happened earlier which now prevented from going to the movies to see a movie I desperately wanted to see. So I was stuck staying home and renting. “Winter’s Bone” was the movie I rented. Now I’m feeling better about money because now I see I didn’t need it like I thought I did.

Sometimes it’s hard to see how full of wealth you are because you’re looking at the wrong thing. I watched this movie on a $600 TV that I got myself last year because I wanted it. I worked hard enough to afford and because I did, I’m happy with what I did for me.
Success isn’t measured in money, but how happy you are. Money is just a sweet piece of cherry that comes with happiness, sometimes, but not all the time. What I felt after viewing “Winter’s Bone” is that money buys very pieces of happiness, but it helps bring us closer to the things that make us happy.
At the end of the movie our heron is given a large sum of money due to the hard work she put in just to keep the house. She needed to keep the house to keep her family. She didn’t go out looking for her money; she went looking for her daddy. When she did go looking for money in the movie she found that it would be much harder to get than it would be than finding her daddy.
All in all this was a satisfying movie. I didn’t cry (would have liked too), but I didn’t walk away feeling cheater. I’d become use to seeing movies like this where the end is less than satisfying. While I can’t think of any now I would say my beef with movies like these come from bio-pics in while the main character dies or is killed in the end. I guess because that didn’t happen in this movie I feel like I was served justice.
This movie made me feel more grateful, without being a heart-warming family movie. It was just the right about movie discipline in order to tell a tough story and still have you walk away like you didn’t miss anything. Like all your questions got answered. Basically, you paid for a show and you got one.